I composed and recorded this track in 2015, as I was more certain than ever about my gender identity, but was still keeping it a secret. I was terrified and felt vulnerable, especially because I had no idea how my mother would react to the news. I anticipated the worst, and so I wrote about a hypothetical scenario in which my reveal turns into a desperate cry for help.
I released the track without context that same year. I then made a new mix, keeping the vocal tracks that were recorded before I transitioned.
lyrics
What a delight to talk to you again
My questions were asked in pure vain
I would never back down, I'm breaking these chains
She says they're sinners, nothing but stains
All of my hope goes down the drain
I found a way
But then you walked away
I think about it night and day
Whatever you'd like to say
This view will even stay
When my body will decay
Can't you see
I'm better off this way don't you agree
Can't you come
And look out for yourself that I'm not alone
Why does it always come undone
I'll never look like a man ever again
I announced that I would climb the highest mountain
My mind caved in and got rid of the pain
Through my eyes like hard rain
I would not stop
But I fell from the top
Like a lonely water drop
Then I got up
To reveal a closeup
Of a boy who'll never grow up
Can't you see
I'm better off this way don't you agree
Can't you come
And look out for yourself that I'm not alone
Why does it always come undone
My heart weighs a ton
Why do you act like you've lost your son
Just look at what you've done
All of your words fire one by one
Like a thousand guns
Will you admire me among the suns
After all, I'm your loved one
Can't you see
I'm better off this way don't you agree
Can't you come
And look out for yourself that I'm not alone (not alone)
Can't you see
I'm better off this way cause now I'm free (I am free, finally)
Can't you come
And realize that I am still someone
(mother can't you see I'm still someone)
Hypnotic songs from this Cameroon-based musician, with vibrant rhythms and dazzling synths in songs that keep pushing forward. Bandcamp New & Notable Jul 18, 2021
Meishi Smile's 2nd full-length offers several shades of synth-laden exuberance, blurring '80s sheen with darker pop. Bandcamp New & Notable Oct 6, 2015
